not-quite.org

Mikey died this morning. I miss him so bad…

I need to do something but the more I talk about it, the more upset I get. It’s like, the less it gets brought up the better. But of course then I get pissed off that no one is making a big deal about it because it is huge and at least one person should give a shit. There’s never any winning with me. I’m just stuck in my crisis mode, waiting on someone to get back to me so we can keep this thing from progressing any further. Nothing is really getting accomplished unless if you consider avoiding people an accomplishment.

I’m just conflicted about everything. I make no sense. I’m starting to see where they (ie: the people I always made fun of and never understood) are coming from. I feel it’s that way too. Being more specific is not something I can do right now – or maybe ever. I’m still trying to figure out if, how, and when I need to break the news to other people and kicking myself because I know how disappointed they will be. That seems to be the only thing I’ve been good at lately. I’m just a rock star in the realm of disappointment.

In other news, I’m trying to figure out exactly what I should to in regards to my education. There’s a program I’m interested in but I am not interested in taking 18 units in a semester. That’s just not going to happen – especially if I’m expected to maintain a B average. So we’ll see what happens with that. It’s hard to concentrate on anything other than the crisis right now but I have to get this shit in order by the 17th. The crisis has until the 21st so I suppose I should go with the deadline rather than the severity, right? Blah, who knows.

There is just no figuring this shit out.