Short: Everything’s ok now! I’m manic!
Long: The things that were the most depressing are now the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed and oh my god it makes me cry the good tears because one person should not ever be able to witness that much beauty at one time. Amazing!
Going skydiving was the most incredible (and one of the most liberating) moment of my life. There are no words to accurately describe how amazing and wonderful it is.
Since my jump, my self-esteem has been plummeting faster than I was in freefall. Obviously, this was not the life altering behavior I expected after such a breath-takingly huge step outside of my comfort zone. My parachute better open soon or even better, I better learn to fly.
One of the many causes for the loss in confidence is finding out exactly why I get jealous when all the attention isn’t on me. Guess why. No, just guess. It’s because I’m so insecure with myself that I go on a powertrip in order to hide my feelings of inadequecy. And all of that, wrapped up in a neat little package manages to make me even more insecure because really, how can someone be so stupid to not realize that about themself?
So now, after a breakdown yesterday, I am going to be planning every single minute of my waking hours. Gotta get as much out of it as possible so tomorrow I will be waking up three hours early, cleaning, learning, being useful and starting a life of making myself valuable.