Ellie thinks these are her babies. She gets very upset whenever they cry and comes to us to let us know that something isn’t right and we need to bring them to her so she can take care of them. She is very very good with them. It is so cute.
This morning, right as I woke up I heard one of the boys ask if I was awake. I said that I just got up but yeah why, what’s going on? Turns out there were some orphaned kittens. I went outside to take a look at them, scooped all four of them up and brought them inside. They were sooo small and in the bright sun. They were damp, hungry, hot, and crying and momma kitty was nowhere around. They wouldn’t have lasted another hour out in the sunlight. The kittens are so young that their umbilical cords haven’t fallen off yet so they are under a week old. Three black kittens and one black & white. I’m 90% certain that there are three girls and one boy. I’ll check again in a few days. Itty bitty kitty parts are hard to tell apart when they’re this young sometimes.
The shelters will put these kittens to sleep since they are so little and mom is nowhere to be found (plus they’re black – people don’t like adopting black cats). I want to try to give the kittens a chance a life by keeping them as long as possible. Poor babies. One of the girls who lives in the converted garage will be helping me out with them (especially when I’m out of town) so hopefully between us we’ll be able to give these guys a chance. They’re too cute to say no to.
So now I get the glorious task of feeding these guys every 2-4 hours, making them potty before and after every meal, and of course keeping them clean, socialized, and safe. It’s funny how I dislike having my sleep schedule interrupted and yet I willingly choose to take on these things. I guess my mothering instinct is strong. Go figure.
Last week I started two small things. They are both completely ridiculous and really not worth the time I put into them but at least it is keeping me productive and bringing in a little money. Answering really dopey questions for idiots at a few cents a pop seems pointless but it keeps me busy and of course there is always the humor factor. Whether the questions are funny or if it’s coming up with an awesome response to an idiotic question (Q: wut kind of fone do i have? A: Bananaphone! It grows in bunches I’ve got my hunches. It’s the best, beats the rest. Cellular, Modular, Interactive odular!) I always seem to be entertained.
Some of the questions are funny and retarded such as:
Q: How do you get a girl horny
A: That is a good question. No one really knows but it is important to have good time!
Q: i am out camping by myselfm i went out for a hike and just returned to find two people having sex in my tent, they haven’t discovered me yet, what should i do
A: You have a Royal Flush in terms of luck! Amazing! My money is on you! I’m rooting for you!
Q: when is jesus coming back
A: (I just picked a pre-generated answer for this one because I was too busy laughing)
Q: if a vagina has teeth, how do you fix it?
A: Okay, that’s just plain impossible but if your partner wants something there to make it feel that way, try a piercing.
Q: what sex position makes the cutest kids?
A: Sexual positions do not determine the looks of a child, however the genetics of what the parents look like does!
Some are disturbing:
Q: Is it legal to have cunnilingus with a small male puppy’s bum?
Q: what r sum pokemon pick up lines??
Some you have to pass onto a specialist who will know the answer:
Q: is it against the law to have sex with my teacher if I’m 17 years old in Texas
And sometimes you see in the user’s history that they just like fucking with you:
Q: Define how to suck your moms tit
A: To suck your mother dry of her money, just make her buy lots of things for you! Although it would be better not to!
– 3 minutes later from same user (this one I had to answer) –
Q: Define how to suck your moms boob
A: Step one: Convince your mom, although I believe that is illegal in most states.
Of course there are the ones that aren’t really questions and yet you have to find a way to respond:
Q: Omg im so horny
A: If you expect to score points by whining, join a European soccer team.
And then there are ones that are weird yet enjoyable, where you actually end up learning something:
Q: What is the raging bull sex technique?
A: When engaging in sex with seated, out of nowhere say, “I got AIDS!” Then try to hold on to your partner for as long as possible.
I also got asked what a bitchmuffin is. I then spent a few minutes laughing after researching that one. (Someone who acts like such a bitch that you want to take a huge muffin and shove it up their ass.)
I’m amused.
The other project is Amazon’s Mechanical Turk. I spent maybe a total of a half hour doing stuff over there and got paid a little over $8. Not too shabby. Not enough to live off of obviously but a little supplemental income is nice.
Apparently the house is taking in yet another temporarily homeless individual. I am nothing less than pissed the fuck off and upset.
I was more than okay with V coming to live on the couch for awhile because of the bitch move by the chick in the garage. He is no trouble to have around, helps out, is clean, quiet, and plus I love him dearly. He’s like my brother so of course I was okay with and excited about him moving in. Sure it is stressful having another person to share the bathroom with but somehow it works most of the time.
This new guy… yeah. He’s a friend in the sense that he is more than an acquaintance. We went to Vegas with him last year and some of the boys used to play poker with him regularly. There was some drama a few months ago between one of the roomies and him and last I heard that wasn’t straightened out. Potato said he’s not really friends with this guy. I know I’m not friends with this guy. He is homeless because he got kicked out of two houses recently and has no other option other than living in his car. What I was told is he will be living in the backyard in a tent. He doesn’t have a legit job – he plays poker and sells weed. Obviously I am not thrilled or even okay with this. I told Potato that this dude has to share E’s bathroom because there is not way in hell that the main bathroom can have another abuser. Since he is mostly E’s friend, E gets to deal with the consequences of having him here. Potato agreed. If that shit is not followed through with, I am going to go on a murderous rampage. The main bathroom cannot take on another person. There is no way. I already got a UTI from having to hold my urine until the bathroom was free – I am not going to do it again.
For the past three days, I have had a gardening fetish or something. We’ve purchased 16,000 individual seeds and a few plants. That is in addition to the several hundred seeds I already have here to plant. After I get two or three Escallonia hedges to plant, I am to be totally cut off. The hedges are necessary, I swear. They need to cover the fence with the graffiti on it. Grafitti is icky and I hate that ugly peach colored fence anyway.
My dad’s bringing down his roto-tiller this week to help me tear up a portion of the front and back yards. After all the weeds have been removed, the soil tilled, and the plants & seeds planted I should be able to relax. Until I need to weed the back garden which I really need to stay on top of this time. *attacks the yard with shiny pointy things*
I still need to buy one or two bonsai pots so I can repot my succulents. Buying new pots doesn’t fall under the cut off rule does it? The pots are for inside and the seeds and plants are for outside, so I should be good, right? …Right?
*crickets chirping in the background*
I have the room to myself today because Alan is off geeking it up with the boys in San Leandro and I am here cleaning some stuff up. It is so difficult to clean when two bodies are in here because we are always bumping into each other. Since I avoid cleaning my purses at all costs, I decided to go through them today – especially since I lost my safety deposit box keys (yes, both of them. Expensive to replace, yikes!). To prove how much I hate cleaning out my purses, I decided I would list the contents of them here.
Bag #1 (current)
- Pouch. Contents: One full bottle of Percocet, one mostly empty bottle of generic ibuprofen, small nail clippers, Neosporin, cherry chapstick, nail file, fake carabiner, AZO maximum strength tablets, some long expired Lactaid tablets, a pill pod.
- Digital camera.
- Overstuffed wallet.
- AZO cranberry tablets.
- Firestone estimate from early March.
- Day planner
- Cell phone
- iPod Touch.
- Rolaids.
- Random USB cable (doesn’t go to anything in my purse)
- Scratch paper with directions to a pharmacy on it.
- Two pens.
- One mechanical pencil.
- One Sharpie.
- A jumbo, blue paperclip which is half the size of my iPod.
- A bunch of twistie-ties.
- Ticketmaster stub.
- Two moist towelettes (still wrapped)
- A crumpled receipt from December.
- One battery.
- Chapstick
- A thimble
- A glass pendant.
- A small container of nail polish.
- $0.93
- Two straw wrappers.
Bag #2
- Two Chapstick.
- A toothpick.
- An unused pregnancy test.
Bag #3
- Pill bottle containing sulfamethoxazl.
- One pen.
- Three receipts.
- Rocks.
- GPS.
- Digital camera #2.
Bag #4
- One Chapstick.
- Two checkbooks.
- A dog harness.
- Five thumb drives.
- Three hair clips.
- One alligator clip.
- One highlighter.
- Four rechargeable batteries, one non-rechargeable.
- Universal Studios pass from August ’08
- Listerine PocketPak
- Purell.
- Invoice from vet. (Paid)
- A flattened penny from Hanauma Bay in Hawaii.
- The USB cover for the iPod Shuffle.
- TideToGo pen.
- SAFETY DEPOSIT BOX KEYS! YAY!
- Lipstick.
- A mini Sharpie.
- Fred’s business card.
- Box for earplugs but the earplugs aren’t in ‘em.
I’ve appropriately disposed of everything that I don’t need, and am going to avoid storing stuff in my purses except for the necessity items. At least for a week. I still have another ten or so purses at my parents house. I don’t want to dig through those. Icky.
When we go to Vegas in a few short weeks, I am determined to get tipsy enough to do karaoke. I have been terrified to do this in public for years so it’s time for me to do it. The only problem is, I will forget the words of a song I do know so I want to go in with at least a chance to not be completely horrible. I really don’t want to pull a Fred Marshall. (Yes Mitra, after all these years I still pull out Fred’s version of Roxanne. *dies laughing*)
I was joking around in the car with Potato a week or so ago and I said I should do Beastie Boys – Girls because that might end up with me taking a girl back to the hotel and we all know how I’ve been missing the vagina side dish. I’m probably giving myself too much credit right there – that would never happen to me. *twiddles thumbs*
I could be totally cliche and go with Journey, or I could totally pull off Bon Jovi (I’d probably end up stripping though so maybe that’s a no…). Thong Song? I’m Too Sexy? Caress Me Down?
Please do not say I Will Survive or I Will Punch You In The Face. Got it? Oh, and don’t worry – whatever I end up doing will most likely be recorded as long as that’s allowed wherever we’ll be going. I’m pretty sure I’ll post it here so the Vegas embarrassment will live on forever. Although I’m sure it’ll be more hilarious in person so really, you should tag along on the trip out there. Ask me for details. Srsly. Fuck stalkers, let’s all go!
Pictures from the trip and other random events can be found over here.
Another blog I typed up before I could or wanted to post it.
I got up earlier than intended and drove around Crescent City to explore a little before I headed down to Ukiah. I went to a pier and walked on it, taking pictures of the seagulls. They kept cracking me up for some reason. At one point while I was leaning on a railing, looking out at the ocean, I looked to my left at there was a seagull staring at me. I started talking to him. I think I said something along the lines of whatcha doing? He let out one of his seagull noises and then laid a massive squirty turd. I laughed and kept talking to the seagull. I have a video of a different seagull talking back to me. I’m not crazy, I swear.
I wandered some more and found my way over to a harbor where there were a bunch of feral cats. They were so cute. Normally I’m not into feral cats but eh, these ones were acting like they were pets at one point. While taking pictures of some of the cats, I heard the distinctive sea lion sounds so I found my way over to them and got some mediocre pictures of them. I love sea lions – they are so damn weird, cute and freaky all at once. On one of the docks, some seals were lounging with sea lions. I got all excited about that but was unable to get any decent pictures.
Drove a bit, saw a solo elk grazing so I stopped to get more pictures thinking that would be my last time seeing any. I was wrong. A couple dozen miles down the road, I saw a huge herd of ‘em grazing so I pulled a NASCAR evasive manueveur to take some pictures and gawk over ‘em. I loved the set of antlers on the mature bull. He looked so regal – it was amazing.
I was hoping to swing by a place called Cock Robin Island for obvious reasons. I wanted to do silly things in front of a sign with the name but unfortunately I got lost in the area called Cannibal Island for a good hour and that was creepy but not just because of the name. I can’t put it into words and I couldn’t get very many pictures because there were crazy locals chasing me, trying to run me off the road, and stuff. I guess they wanted to keep me from stealing their cows or goats. I couldn’t steal a cow very easily and while yeah, ok, it might be funny for me to steal a goat, I never really would. I dunno. It was creepy and I wanted to get the fuck out of there.
Then there was the redwoods. I spent a good while driving slowly and galavanting through the forests, taking pictures, inhaling the fresh air, listening to the crunching of my feet on the dead leaves and twigs on the ground. Another moment of feeling of being totally high but not actually being. It was gorgeous. I had so much fun.
Now that I’m at the hotel, I have a surprisingly comfy bed which I’ve been enjoying for the most part. I’m just a bit annoyed and worried about the other occupant. There’s only one other person here. He has a diesel truck, a friend with a Harley who keeps revving the damn thing, and a possible hooker. They’ve been talking loudly for hours except when the dude with the Harley tries my door every so often. He has stopped ever since I set off my car alarm the last time he did it. My windows’ll probably be smashed in when I wake up but gah. I’m sorry that you are doing something that scares me Mr. Creepy Man.
Random observation: Why do all guys I know/meet who are named Randy live up to that name? They are all horny bastards who try to get in your pants in any ol’ way. What the hell? (No, Randy is not the Harley dude’s name as far as I know.)
Oh, just a short tidbit. I giggled over a road called Hookalot – for two reasons. Hook a lot (like a hooker hooks a lot) and hooka lot. Tell me that’s not funny. I’ll punch you, foo’.
Also, I have a sunburn in addition to abnormally dry skin from the change of climate here. My skin is not happy. Dunno how I got the sunburn – I had sunscreen on. Meh, whatever. Maybe I’m just too pasty for the sun.
Conclusion of day two: I hate driving so much and would like to stay in one place for a longer period of time as long as that place is safe. Ukiah is not a decent place to spend the night – especially if a female and by yourself. Elk have fucking sexy asses and antlers. I have an extremely clear head and am still smiling over the little things.
Conclusion of day two in picture form:
Yeah, I don’t know.
Last night while bored out of my mind as I was trying to connect to the free wi-fi at the hotel (which ended up being completely useless) I typed up a blog to post whenever the chance arose. Well, the chance has arisen. Err…
While waiting for service at Denny’s, I jotted some notes down into my iPod for blogging later. The hostess asked “table for two?” and I said, “one.” She reiterated, “Yes, one table for two?” I wanted to *headdesk* right there but sadly I was not able to at that moment. So I corrected her that no, just one table for one person. She looked at me like I was high and quickly whispered to a waiter “she’s solo!” I don’t know if they were keeping an eye out for available chicks for Joe Singlewaiterdude or if they thought I was like a Mystery Eater type thing or what but lord. They could not have been any ruder unless if they went straight out and said, “God, people must really hate you for you to be going to a restaurant by yourself.” My waiter kind of redeemed himself just because he looked like a 1950s version of my friend Tor. I miss Tor…
All day today (once I got out of the Bay Area, that is) I caught myself smiling at the small things. I am still smiling at the most minuscule things despite being so friggin’ exhausted. It’s amazing. I was smiling earlier because of a perfectly round rock. I was stunned by it’s beauty. I felt like I was high but I haven’t had anything like that for quite awhile so it’s just the old Jana making an appearance. Hopefully I can keep encouraging her to come out.
A few hours in, I was able to be reminded that I am able to fend for myself. I don’t have anxiety or paranoia and I haven’t had to take any extra anti-anxiety medications at all. Or at least I didn’t until about 8:30 when I suddenly realized that I was far away from anyone that I know, in a strange city, and I was in a hotel by myself for the first time. I doped myself up with Klonopin and Benadryl and passed out shortly afterward so it wasn’t too big of a deal.
I saw Roosevelt elk (in the wild) today. There were just a few of them but they were soooo gorgeous and I was able to get some pictures. I drove a little bit longer to this field where a huge herd is frequently seen and it was off a little paved road. I got most of the way down and got excited because HOLY CRAP! Seriously, 30 or so Roosevelt elk grazing about 500 feet ahead. Unfortunately there was an obstacle of a flooded section of road. I was contemplating going over it but I wanted to wait for another car to drive through it to see how deep it was and I’m glad I did because it was much deeper than I had thought. It was about a foot and a half deep and a good 25 feet across. If I had Gavin (my old Explorer for those of you not in the know) I totally would have done it but not in my little Focus, by myself, about an hour’s drive from the nearest non-abandoned town, with no cell reception. I’m a bit bummed but I’m hoping that I’ll get out of here early enough to see some about a mile down the road from my hotel where I saw some as I came in to possibly get some more pictures. They are so gorgeous – almost as gorgeous as moose. I love moose. Like seriously. Note to self: buy SUV ASAP pls.
I mentioned it in the last paragraph, but there are a lot of abandoned towns up here. I’m not sure if they are abandoned because it’s the off season and everyone has gone to their real homes and jobs or if they’re abandoned because of the economy. I’m thinking it’s the latter. It is so depressing. Small town after small town completely barren. What’s even worse are the towns that have only one house being lived in and/or one store working. I gotta have respect for those people though, trying to stick with it no matter how hard it gets.
Some of you more religious or those who are against public urination might want to skip this one. I peed at the base of a Conservative Evangelical Church sign. I desperately needed to pee in pretty much the middle of nowhere. Unfortunately I don’t have the right appendage for peeing on the sign like I wanted so I did what I could. Atheists represent.
Conclusion of day one? I’m enjoying the fresh air, solitary travel, and reconnecting with myself. I think I might need to do this three or four times a year.
Conclusion of day one in picture form:
