Morning:
3x Wellbutrin XL
0.5x Lexapro
2x Geodon
1x Flax Seed Oil
1x Propranalol
1x Serzone
Bedtime:
1x Glucosamine
2x Geodon
1x Topamax
1.5x Seroquel
2x Benadryl
1x Propranalol
1x Serzone
1x Atarax
As Needed: Not doing anything anymore.
Up to 3mg Klonopin
I have a problem. I have a soft spot of fuzzy critters.
I adopted two baby rats over the weekend. Two of 65 babies that they had within a week. Poor things. (Don’t let your rats breed, you stupid fucks.) I had been thinking about getting more because the dog love of my life is quickly deteriorating and I felt that I needed to have something happy, healthy and new to pick my spirits up.
Mikey… is old. He was totally fine about a month ago. Old age had caught up to him so he was slow but he was happy, still ran around, chased squirrels, bounced around whenever I went to spend time with him. Now I’m lucky if he’ll even look at me when I walk in the door. He’s incontinent as of two weeks ago. Lethargic. Not eating. Occasionally needs to be assisted outside (supporting his hind end while he slowly walks) to go potty and then back in. His liver levels are all out of whack. Something’s eating his red blood cells. The vets are confused. No answers, just symptoms.
I started coming to terms with putting him to sleep since he was showing no signs of happiness – or even awareness of his surroundings. Then the bastard pulled a 180 and was back to his old self for a few days. He’s been fluctuating between the two for the past week or so and it’s terribly draining. I want to do what’s best for him but if he’s still having good days, I’m not sure I can say okay. I just want him to be young again. Young, and healthy, and always happy. And still with me.
Halfway into the Mikey situation, it became clear that the old rats are, in fact, old. So I’m not only looking at losing my dog who I’ve had for my entire adult life, the rough teenage years and who got me through the emotional hells of high school and abuses, but two rats as well. All this looming critter death is depressing. I needed something to liven things up. Something to partially offset the upcoming losses. Is that really so wrong?
Comment » | Uncategorized, animals, life, loss, mental health
Typically I have a difficult time getting myself to leave the house for one reason or another. I don’t have enough money to do anything, such and such is boring, or whatever so Alan has to come up with things for me to do that will interest me. When we were in Vegas, I wanted to go to the zoo. For whatever reason, we were unable to do so which prompted Alan to ask if I wanted to go to the zoo this weekend. I, of course, became excited and showed of my resemblance to kangaroos. Unfortunately, the weather was kind of sucky so we decided to go to the Monterey Bay Aquarium instead.
We first stopped to have lunch and buy a present for his mom for Mother’s Day. While walking to the aquarium, we were stopped by a weird guy who told me he loved my smile as he handed me a sticker that said the same thing. That made my day right there. So Alan wasn’t left out, the guy gave Alan a sticker of Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes.
Once inside, we were overcome with the realization that most parents do not give a fuck about their kids or teaching their kids manners, how to be polite, etc. This is really not okay. I have never seen so many obnoxious, unsupervised miscreants. I understand that kids are self-centered creatures and all that jazz but there is a total lack of parenting going on.
On a similar note, after we got back in town there was a small ’80s sedan driving about 45mph with four or five children in the backseat made for three. All of them were obviously not wearing seat belts, they were crawling all over the place, psuhing and wrestling, facing backwards to write on the windows. The two adults in the front seat weren’t even looking back or acknowledging anything going on. I’m sorry, but these kinds of parents I want to smack upside the head, sterilize them, and take all their kids away. You are doing no one – especially YOUR CHILDREN any good.
Back to the aquarium… (and here is where I lost my will to type a summary so I leave you with a link to pictures!
When we got home, apparently all the fish made me want one because I convinced Alan to let me bring home a new Betta. His name is Atlas and is a nice gradient from black to dark blue, to royal blue, to turquoise. He is as flamboyantly gay as a fish can get and he is the best Betta ever, seriously.
Ellie thinks these are her babies. She gets very upset whenever they cry and comes to us to let us know that something isn’t right and we need to bring them to her so she can take care of them. She is very very good with them. It is so cute.
This morning, right as I woke up I heard one of the boys ask if I was awake. I said that I just got up but yeah why, what’s going on? Turns out there were some orphaned kittens. I went outside to take a look at them, scooped all four of them up and brought them inside. They were sooo small and in the bright sun. They were damp, hungry, hot, and crying and momma kitty was nowhere around. They wouldn’t have lasted another hour out in the sunlight. The kittens are so young that their umbilical cords haven’t fallen off yet so they are under a week old. Three black kittens and one black & white. I’m 90% certain that there are three girls and one boy. I’ll check again in a few days. Itty bitty kitty parts are hard to tell apart when they’re this young sometimes.
The shelters will put these kittens to sleep since they are so little and mom is nowhere to be found (plus they’re black – people don’t like adopting black cats). I want to try to give the kittens a chance a life by keeping them as long as possible. Poor babies. One of the girls who lives in the converted garage will be helping me out with them (especially when I’m out of town) so hopefully between us we’ll be able to give these guys a chance. They’re too cute to say no to.
So now I get the glorious task of feeding these guys every 2-4 hours, making them potty before and after every meal, and of course keeping them clean, socialized, and safe. It’s funny how I dislike having my sleep schedule interrupted and yet I willingly choose to take on these things. I guess my mothering instinct is strong. Go figure.
Another blog I typed up before I could or wanted to post it.
I got up earlier than intended and drove around Crescent City to explore a little before I headed down to Ukiah. I went to a pier and walked on it, taking pictures of the seagulls. They kept cracking me up for some reason. At one point while I was leaning on a railing, looking out at the ocean, I looked to my left at there was a seagull staring at me. I started talking to him. I think I said something along the lines of whatcha doing? He let out one of his seagull noises and then laid a massive squirty turd. I laughed and kept talking to the seagull. I have a video of a different seagull talking back to me. I’m not crazy, I swear.
I wandered some more and found my way over to a harbor where there were a bunch of feral cats. They were so cute. Normally I’m not into feral cats but eh, these ones were acting like they were pets at one point. While taking pictures of some of the cats, I heard the distinctive sea lion sounds so I found my way over to them and got some mediocre pictures of them. I love sea lions – they are so damn weird, cute and freaky all at once. On one of the docks, some seals were lounging with sea lions. I got all excited about that but was unable to get any decent pictures.
Drove a bit, saw a solo elk grazing so I stopped to get more pictures thinking that would be my last time seeing any. I was wrong. A couple dozen miles down the road, I saw a huge herd of ‘em grazing so I pulled a NASCAR evasive manueveur to take some pictures and gawk over ‘em. I loved the set of antlers on the mature bull. He looked so regal – it was amazing.
I was hoping to swing by a place called Cock Robin Island for obvious reasons. I wanted to do silly things in front of a sign with the name but unfortunately I got lost in the area called Cannibal Island for a good hour and that was creepy but not just because of the name. I can’t put it into words and I couldn’t get very many pictures because there were crazy locals chasing me, trying to run me off the road, and stuff. I guess they wanted to keep me from stealing their cows or goats. I couldn’t steal a cow very easily and while yeah, ok, it might be funny for me to steal a goat, I never really would. I dunno. It was creepy and I wanted to get the fuck out of there.
Then there was the redwoods. I spent a good while driving slowly and galavanting through the forests, taking pictures, inhaling the fresh air, listening to the crunching of my feet on the dead leaves and twigs on the ground. Another moment of feeling of being totally high but not actually being. It was gorgeous. I had so much fun.
Now that I’m at the hotel, I have a surprisingly comfy bed which I’ve been enjoying for the most part. I’m just a bit annoyed and worried about the other occupant. There’s only one other person here. He has a diesel truck, a friend with a Harley who keeps revving the damn thing, and a possible hooker. They’ve been talking loudly for hours except when the dude with the Harley tries my door every so often. He has stopped ever since I set off my car alarm the last time he did it. My windows’ll probably be smashed in when I wake up but gah. I’m sorry that you are doing something that scares me Mr. Creepy Man.
Random observation: Why do all guys I know/meet who are named Randy live up to that name? They are all horny bastards who try to get in your pants in any ol’ way. What the hell? (No, Randy is not the Harley dude’s name as far as I know.)
Oh, just a short tidbit. I giggled over a road called Hookalot – for two reasons. Hook a lot (like a hooker hooks a lot) and hooka lot. Tell me that’s not funny. I’ll punch you, foo’.
Also, I have a sunburn in addition to abnormally dry skin from the change of climate here. My skin is not happy. Dunno how I got the sunburn – I had sunscreen on. Meh, whatever. Maybe I’m just too pasty for the sun.
Conclusion of day two: I hate driving so much and would like to stay in one place for a longer period of time as long as that place is safe. Ukiah is not a decent place to spend the night – especially if a female and by yourself. Elk have fucking sexy asses and antlers. I have an extremely clear head and am still smiling over the little things.
Conclusion of day two in picture form:
Yeah, I don’t know.
Last night while bored out of my mind as I was trying to connect to the free wi-fi at the hotel (which ended up being completely useless) I typed up a blog to post whenever the chance arose. Well, the chance has arisen. Err…
While waiting for service at Denny’s, I jotted some notes down into my iPod for blogging later. The hostess asked “table for two?” and I said, “one.” She reiterated, “Yes, one table for two?” I wanted to *headdesk* right there but sadly I was not able to at that moment. So I corrected her that no, just one table for one person. She looked at me like I was high and quickly whispered to a waiter “she’s solo!” I don’t know if they were keeping an eye out for available chicks for Joe Singlewaiterdude or if they thought I was like a Mystery Eater type thing or what but lord. They could not have been any ruder unless if they went straight out and said, “God, people must really hate you for you to be going to a restaurant by yourself.” My waiter kind of redeemed himself just because he looked like a 1950s version of my friend Tor. I miss Tor…
All day today (once I got out of the Bay Area, that is) I caught myself smiling at the small things. I am still smiling at the most minuscule things despite being so friggin’ exhausted. It’s amazing. I was smiling earlier because of a perfectly round rock. I was stunned by it’s beauty. I felt like I was high but I haven’t had anything like that for quite awhile so it’s just the old Jana making an appearance. Hopefully I can keep encouraging her to come out.
A few hours in, I was able to be reminded that I am able to fend for myself. I don’t have anxiety or paranoia and I haven’t had to take any extra anti-anxiety medications at all. Or at least I didn’t until about 8:30 when I suddenly realized that I was far away from anyone that I know, in a strange city, and I was in a hotel by myself for the first time. I doped myself up with Klonopin and Benadryl and passed out shortly afterward so it wasn’t too big of a deal.
I saw Roosevelt elk (in the wild) today. There were just a few of them but they were soooo gorgeous and I was able to get some pictures. I drove a little bit longer to this field where a huge herd is frequently seen and it was off a little paved road. I got most of the way down and got excited because HOLY CRAP! Seriously, 30 or so Roosevelt elk grazing about 500 feet ahead. Unfortunately there was an obstacle of a flooded section of road. I was contemplating going over it but I wanted to wait for another car to drive through it to see how deep it was and I’m glad I did because it was much deeper than I had thought. It was about a foot and a half deep and a good 25 feet across. If I had Gavin (my old Explorer for those of you not in the know) I totally would have done it but not in my little Focus, by myself, about an hour’s drive from the nearest non-abandoned town, with no cell reception. I’m a bit bummed but I’m hoping that I’ll get out of here early enough to see some about a mile down the road from my hotel where I saw some as I came in to possibly get some more pictures. They are so gorgeous – almost as gorgeous as moose. I love moose. Like seriously. Note to self: buy SUV ASAP pls.
I mentioned it in the last paragraph, but there are a lot of abandoned towns up here. I’m not sure if they are abandoned because it’s the off season and everyone has gone to their real homes and jobs or if they’re abandoned because of the economy. I’m thinking it’s the latter. It is so depressing. Small town after small town completely barren. What’s even worse are the towns that have only one house being lived in and/or one store working. I gotta have respect for those people though, trying to stick with it no matter how hard it gets.
Some of you more religious or those who are against public urination might want to skip this one. I peed at the base of a Conservative Evangelical Church sign. I desperately needed to pee in pretty much the middle of nowhere. Unfortunately I don’t have the right appendage for peeing on the sign like I wanted so I did what I could. Atheists represent.
Conclusion of day one? I’m enjoying the fresh air, solitary travel, and reconnecting with myself. I think I might need to do this three or four times a year.
Conclusion of day one in picture form:
I came across this on a blog that I read and can’t stop laughing.
Oh my god, finally – it’s back. I was going crazy. Now I can finally resume the job hunt and get some relaxing goin’ on. Relaxing that doesn’t include the horses, of course.
