not-quite.org

I have a lot of things running through my teeny little brain that I want to get down on the proverbial paper known as a blog. A good deal of them contain fragments that I’d rather certain people not read. I know that minor statement will cause demands to know if they are the one I am talking about. No. I am not directly singling out any one person. I’ve been thinking about having people create an account so that they will only see the items that I’m comfortable with but then that is too much work plus not many people would create an account so here we are. An impasse.

So instead, I will bore you with happy imagery of sharing a tiny kiddie pool with some friends and all the demented conversations that occur there. A kiddie pool with a few adults in various states of sobriety quickly turns into a cesspool – both literally and figuratively. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Well, except the literal cesspool. I’m all for a tinkle free kiddie pool. We’re adults so it shouldn’t be so hard, right? Urethral sphincters for the win!

Last weekend, I went on a short trip to visit a friend’s girlfriend who I kind of became friends with in my drunken stupor. I say kind of because I didn’t remember much about her but everyone assured me that I loved her and we got along well. So I drove over 700 miles round trip for her birthday party only to discover in pure sobriety that I fucking LOVE her. I basically got adopted into her family by her and her aunt while I was there since the three of us got along so well. We laughed, we cried (really), and we laughed some more. We had light-hearted discussions, heavy conversations, and filthy jokes. It was awesome. The topper was spending over an hour in bed together before falling asleep giggling about boys and telling secrets like we were 12 again. I haven’t felt that carefree in awhile. It’s nice having a girl friend. I don’t have many of them since I usually scare them off while my misogynistic attitude and politically incorrect humor. Women are such bitches. I wish she (and her man!) lived closer but it’ll be a nice excuse to go out to my family’s old vacation area since she lives about an hour away from the lake. I love that area so much. Have you ever felt like you have finally found your soul? Well that’s how I feel whenever I go there. I loved being able to enjoy it alone this time around. It was incredible.

I’m waiting for Alan to get home from guy’s night out. Our friend T is bringing him home with the promise of a lap dance. I don’t really know how to give lap dances but he is so into me that if I just sat on his lap he’d be jerking off to that for months. Boys are so easy to please. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I never have romantic relationships with women.

G’night!

Yesterday morning I was alerted to the fact that one of our friends had used my bath towel (along with Alan’s and N’s) to clean up the flood from his massive shit blocking the toilet. I am still livid about this. If it was just one or two screw ups, I could let it go but there is a whole sequence of events which are totally not ok.

1. Is pissed off at us for “over-reacting”
2. Has not apologized even though he knows we are upset.
3. Does not admit or acknowledge that he has done anything wrong.
4. Did not fully clean up the mess – we had to finish the job.
5. Grabbed items that are used for personal cleanliness in order to clean up the gobs of poop, water, and whatever else was on the floor.
6. Flushed the toilet an additional two or more times without pausing and waiting for the water to go down thus causing the overflow.
7. Saw that the shit wasn’t going down and decided to flush again rather than plunge it (plunger is right next to the toilet).
8. Didn’t flush partway through to be gentle on the older plumbing.

The line of events does not end there, oh no. Apparently he was already pissed off and tired because he had a flat tire and waited for AAA until 4 in the morning. How is this his fault?

9. He called AAA because he’s lazy and thinks that as long as someone else can do, why should he. Then of course he had to wait for what sounds like several hours which could have been completely avoided.
10. He didn’t have a tire iron in his car because he didn’t think he would need it.
11. His tires were under inflated making them more susceptible to popping.

So of course it is not his fault that the toilet overflowed. It is AAA’s fault for not getting there fast enough even though it’s his own laziness which caused the flat tire to begin with. It’s all because of them that he was tired, pissed off, and impatient. Stupid AAA. I guess I should send them the bill, huh? *rolls eyes*

However, I am pleased that Alan is with me on how gross and wrong this whole thing is. He decided (on his own!) to avoid M until he apologizes or at least acknowledges that he screwed up. I wish it didn’t have to come to this put enough is enough. This is the third of fourth time he’s completely violated the bathroom at this house, and like the fifth or sixth (seventh or eighth?) time violating private bathrooms in the past two years alone. Come on kid, it’s waaaaaaaaay past time to grow up, for fucks sake. Accountability. Be a big boy and own up to your mistakes.

ARGH!

Apparently the house is taking in yet another temporarily homeless individual. I am nothing less than pissed the fuck off and upset.

I was more than okay with V coming to live on the couch for awhile because of the bitch move by the chick in the garage. He is no trouble to have around, helps out, is clean, quiet, and plus I love him dearly. He’s like my brother so of course I was okay with and excited about him moving in. Sure it is stressful having another person to share the bathroom with but somehow it works most of the time.

This new guy… yeah. He’s a friend in the sense that he is more than an acquaintance. We went to Vegas with him last year and some of the boys used to play poker with him regularly. There was some drama a few months ago between one of the roomies and him and last I heard that wasn’t straightened out. Potato said he’s not really friends with this guy. I know I’m not friends with this guy. He is homeless because he got kicked out of two houses recently and has no other option other than living in his car. What I was told is he will be living in the backyard in a tent. He doesn’t have a legit job – he plays poker and sells weed. Obviously I am not thrilled or even okay with this. I told Potato that this dude has to share E’s bathroom because there is not way in hell that the main bathroom can have another abuser. Since he is mostly E’s friend, E gets to deal with the consequences of having him here. Potato agreed. If that shit is not followed through with, I am going to go on a murderous rampage. The main bathroom cannot take on another person. There is no way. I already got a UTI from having to hold my urine until the bathroom was free – I am not going to do it again.

Lately, I have been overly concerned with offending people. I have been scared of saying or doing the wrong thing to the point where it is almost incapacitating.

The majority of people who have blogs that I like to follow (and actually most of my friends) are conservative Republicans who are proudly and loudly Christian. While I respect that and admire that they have things they believe in, I am a liberal Democrat who thinks that most organized religion is just glorified cults. I really do not mean to offend anyone because I love hearing the other point of view and seeing how that side goes about life and deals with the same struggles and problems that the people more towards my side follow – and everyone in between. It’s fascinating to me.

Another factor that I keep dealing with is I used to be extremely loose about using politically incorrect terms for describing my or someone else’s behavior.  I even kept that up during and after working with developmentally disabled adults a few years back. Then I found out about Ben, an awesome young man with PKS and now suddenly I am overly watchful of what I use as adjectives. I do not want to offend his dad or any other person or family member who deals with something along those lines.

This incapacitating fear of not wanting to offend anyone is making it difficult to really say much of anything here, on Twitter and even in person. I never used to care. Back in 2003 and 2004 when I first started getting into the personal website scene, I was always the one who would intentionally try to offend people whether it would be stating it like it is or going out on a limb and making up whatever I could. Sure, it might have been funny to those who were closest to me but it got harder to keep myself from saying and acting like that while interacting in normal face to face situations. It’s kind of funny in the really not funny way, because now it is the opposite. That’s typical with me though, I can never seem to find the middle ground.

What about you? Are you an extremist in one way or another? Are you doing a completely opposite behavior to something you were doing just a short time ago? Tell me about it.

By the way, please think the best for Ben. He’s going through another rough patch.

This weekend has been surprisingly interesting.

One of my close friends had a small crisis which basically made him doubt himself. A whole bunch of us gathered to hang out, distract V, and to just try to have a good time. It was a long night. The poor guy was so upset (and drunk) that he actually agreed to go for walk. He and I walked about a half mile in our shitty part of town after midnight. I was wearing navy blue plaid flannel pants and a navy blue bathrob so I was concerned that was gonna get shot at by a Bloods gang member. I worry about weird things sometimes. Anyway, V and I had a nice heart to heart talk. We shared, we bonded more. It was good.

When we got back, I let the guys chill by themselves for a little while. An hour or so later, I heard him bawling outside by himself. So I went and comforted him the best I could. I felt needed and that was a big thing for me since I rarely ever feel like I am actually needed and not just wanted.

The following evening it was me having the problems (yet again). I think something is up with my medications because I was doing quite well one the lower dosage of the new med but once it got raised some of my more severe symptoms popped back up again. It is always a struggle to get this stuff figured out. I wish that someday soon, I’ll be able to live an average life.

I am so excited! I have news to share but because I’m afraid of my previous track record, I’m cautious to say what it is. It will be be revealed in due time. No, I am not pregnant so quit your worrying.

I’ve been busy today. I was running around, getting things done most likely because of a sugar high thanks to a leftover cupcake from Saturday.

Things I’ve taken care of:
- The thing I won’t yet mention.
- Cleaned and rearranged some things in the front room.
- Put up and strung lights on our two trees.
- Put some of the presents under them.
- Added water to the aquarium (and tap water conditioner).
- Finished loading the dishwasher and ran it.
- Swept the kitchen and entry.
- Worked on the dog’s commands (sit, down, stay, shake, both, come).
- Finished scrubbing the stove top.
- Sprayed down the shower curtain liner.
- Cooked dinner.
- Laundry.
- And the most important thing, called my temp agency.

I’ve been dreading doing the last thing for awhile. I have this weird thing where I think everyone thinks that I’m a failure so I didn’t want to call and have them help me out because I can’t get a job on my own – even though that is their job. I’m just kind of screwed up like that. Anyway, my recruiter had me send an updated resume and said he should be able to find something for me within the next few weeks. We were joking around and he said for me to stick to my standards because I apparently was sounding way too desperate for a job or something. I’m kidding about that last part. Sort of. *coughs*

I stated a preference for a part-time position for two reasons. First off, the thing I won’t mention will require a lot of time so I want to be ensure I’ll have enough time to devote to that. Secondly, I’m not sure I could handle a full-time job at this stage in regards to my health. My back has been flaring up quite a bit recently – so much so that I have started the process to getting a third opinion from a spine surgeon. In addition, my mental health is kind of a touchy subject right now as medications are being played with a little. Between the possible side effects and all the appointments it’s just another factor to consider when determining how much time I can to devote to work. Full-time would be best financially for everyone but at what price? My health? I’ve taken too many risks in that aspect before and look where it’s gotten me. But hey, some work is better than no work and that is what should matter.

I am rather proud of myself. I’ve been feeling excited and actually happy today. I’m not just sitting around wallowing anymore. I am making an effort to make things better.

What adds to my happiness is the nice surprise of Alan bringing home some gorgeous roses for me and being given my Christmas present early from E. God, I love those boys sometimes. *smirks* Tupperware is an awesome friggin’ present. So so sooooooo awesome! *squeals* Alan is totally getting something tonight and E… well, I can’t really do much other than make sure there’s enough food to feed him dinner tomorrow night. Which there will be, for sure.